I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
