we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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