why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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