'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
its liver damage thursday
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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