just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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