My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
