Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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