So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
