Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
