He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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