smell my finger.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
