i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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