I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
