Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
