guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
