dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
FUCK WHALES
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
