I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
