worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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