I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I think I just sharted jello shots
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
