i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
