im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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