It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
