Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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