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he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
