I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
