And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
