I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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