Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
