So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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