does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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