Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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