having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
