saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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