Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
