Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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