oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
