Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
