yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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