I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
