I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
