I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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