he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
