one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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