I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
