I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
