so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
