guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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