He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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