I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
this will be a night to untag.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
