The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
