I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
