If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
