I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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